Lennon was right, instant karma does get you. It seems that I started out coveting my one neighbor's ass and ended up getting another neighbor with a loud and proud cock who belts out his bullshit from 4am all throughout the day. This is my karma. I tried to get along with the cock in question, but he was quite stubborn and quite loud. I asked him politely to keep it down, several times, and was ignored. Mind you, the back of the coop which houses this cock is roughly 6 feet from my bathroom window on the other side of a wooden fence in my neighbor’s yard. While I never did catch him gazing at mine through the window, I knew he was there because he wouldn’t shut up and he was totally messing with my sleep schedule. I started to wonder if this rooster was actually a messenger from the great beyond telling me (or simply suggesting) I need to adjust my sleeping schedule so I can make full use of the daylight hours which are so limited this time of year and then maybe I could even start going to the gym first thing in the morning and get it out of the way. It almost made sense in my sleep deprived state. Was this the cock that was going to change my life?
Life changing message or not, yesterday morning at 7 o’clock I was done with that rooster. Maggie was too. I waited til 9 and went to my neighbor’s house to ask the lady if she had a rooster. She said she did. I informed her that you don’t need a rooster for a hen to lay eggs because eggs are basically a hen’s period and females do not need males to have a menstrual cycle. Then I added that it is, in fact, illegal to have a rooster in the city limits…cock fighting, noise, etc. and besides, this is not Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom nor a farm in the countryside. She said she was sorry that the rooster was loud and she didn’t know. Which part she didn’t know, I am unsure, but she appeared to be genuinely sorry.
Today I woke up early, but not to the sound of the rooster. If you think I would be happy about this, then you clearly don’t know me. All I could think was that my complaint to the neighbor must have led to the culling of the cock. I did not want to be responsible for such a thing…but what exactly did I think would happen?!? The reality is that I figured my complaint to the neighbor would have just been ignored and would eventually escalate into some sort of drama, this is southern California afterall. But it wasn’t ignored at all and now it seems I had to deal with the consequences of my intolerance. Oh, the guilt. Was this not just another reminder that man has become so out of line with nature that we have creatures with different schedules killed because they don’t align with our needs? Who was the unreasonable southern Californian in this scenario? It was me. Was my good night sleep worth taking the life of a beautiful (but really f*cking loud) creature?
While contemplating this and feeling a bit horrible, I heard the rooster crow. Not “a” rooster but “the” rooster. This bad boy has an unmistakable and blood curdling cock-a-doodle-doo. In that moment I had a profound sense of relief rush through my mind and body. Relief that my neighbors are true southern Californians steadfast in their selfishness and had no intention of getting rid of that rooster nor giving it a one way trip to meet its maker. Should he continue to wake me up I will adjust my sleeping schedule and make my way to the gym before sunrise.
Is there a moral to this story?
Indeed there is…if you are going to complain about something, make sure that you are offering a solution along with the complaint. My lack of solution could have led to the senseless slaughter of an innocent (though frustratingly loud) creature. Learn to love all things and remember that a good cock can change your life.