The current Mercury retrograde has me thinking more about life threatening emergencies ever since it tried to take the Fbook down on that fateful afternoon last week. How did people manage to get through it and will they be able to make it through if and when it happens again? Was it for real or just Mark Z showing us all how much we depend on him? If so, will he make us call him 'daddy' from now on? Could government regulation have prevented this? What if next time it’s more than 7 or 9 hours? How did this compare to the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs? What could I do to help? Was there some way that I, the Reverend Dr. David, could make a difference to the survivors of a cataclysmic event such as the Fbook social media empire going offline all day? What is it that people in our society could really use right now in these turbulent times to give them a sense of security — false and fleeting as it may be? I had so many questions and no social media outlet was online to post to and WhatsApp was out so it was impossible to pose the questions to friends via text or video chat. It was then revealed to me by vision in my head of what I must do — create a product that could (but likely won’t) help the next time something catastrophic like this happens.
Will it be both sensible and sustainable? The answer is yes and I am excited to announce this new product which will soon be joining the Sensible and Sustainable Product Alternatives page…Reverend Dr. David’s Blessed Prayer Beans! These red beans were grown organically in the U.S., blessed by me, Reverend Dr. David, and delicately hand-placed into a 5" x 7" reusable burlap bag. You can feel safe and secure knowing that an order of a significant quanitity of these Prayer Beans with a significant quantity of the Reverend Dr. David’s Holy Fuck! Water could make for the beginning of a nice emergency food kit or garden kit to rebuild the world after an apocalypse, however these products are intended for novelty use only and are not intended for human ingestion or use as life saving items but what you do in an emergency that requires you to contemplate eating religious product alternatives is your own business. However turbulent the times may be and whatever plagues you may endure, these beans are great to flick or fondle while you pray. They can be easily displayed on a shelf or kept in a glass container between prayers.
Speaking of exciting news and revelations, today I found a joint. Not THE joint thus the lack of an exclamation mark at the end of the last sentence. It could not possibly be THE joint because this one was in a sealed pre-roll tube in back of my freezer. It still counts as a joint found and on the great list of ‘joints lost and joints found,’ we have another check mark in the ‘joint found’ column. Yay! It’s indica though. In a perfect world I would have found a sativa joint but the world is not perfect and a gift is a gift. Indica, sativa or hybrid, I will smoke it later, or not. In the meantime, I’ll make sure to put this downer doobie someplace safe.
Is there a moral to this story?
Great products are often inspired by catastrophic events and those great products make great gifts. Speaking of gifts, we’re quickly approaching the gift giving season and my new line of Sensible and Sustainable Religious Product Alternatives has something for everyone. Keep in mind that the Reverend Dr. David’s Blessed Sands of Exodus Red Sea sand is shipped from Israel and shipping is by no means quick. Other items are shipped from California via USPS which is slow as fuck so plan ahead.