Imagine this… a naked and fertile man in the prime of his life living alone in a lush tropical forest filled with flora and fauna. After a lifetime of seeing his fellow animals frolic, mate and reproduce he decides to do the same thing only the animals don’t seem to like it and it never seems to produce anything but regret and a sore willy. Frustrated and lonely - despite living in paradise - the man awakens one day to find that he was molested in his sleep and one of his ribs was removed. At this point in the story you would not be wrong for wondering who or what removed one of his ribs. My guess is raccoons since they have hands and are known to be both clever and rather mischievous.
Who or what did it isn’t central to the tale I wish to tell so I will just leave it as a fertile naked man who had been living alone in a lush tropical forest and was somewhat lonely (because he envied the coital relationships he was seeing amongst the critters, especially the bonobos) awakens to find one of his ribs has been removed and…wait, what’s this…a naked fertile lady version of him appears…and he knows exactly what to do with her. Being made from his rib, this lady is actually a clone/twin of the gentleman who I shall now refer to as Bobby Joe and I will call her Dixie. They had only gotten to know each other a few times when some bad shit went down with a shady squamate which forced the duo to move on and find a new place to call home and so they did.
In their new land, which was more than likely somewhere in Appalachia, Bobby Joe impregnated Dixie over and over (and over and over) again...television wasn’t invented yet and there really wasn’t much else to do. After a number of years, Dixie would have the assistance of her daughters to keep her man (and sons) pleased while populating the planet. Out of nowhere (but most likely due to the mental and behavioral effects of inbreeding) some bad juju goes down with 2 of the sons, Cooter and Duane. Duane turns up dead and despite his denial it turns out that Cooter was indeed the killer. Rules get made, wars get fought, yada yada yada, here we are.
Whenever I hear a story like this - and I think we all have heard of at least one - I wonder what I suppose most people wonder…when Bobby Joe and Dixie explored the kama sutra, was it incest or mastrubation? I mean, Dixie was created solely with and from the genetic material of Bobby Joe so twins doesn’t quite cover it…Dixie is a female clone of Bobby Joe which makes me think mastrubation but being two separate bodies makes me think incest, doing one’s clone makes me think narcissist, and the lack of other human options makes me think opportunist but being a story, it makes me think metaphor.
Is there a moral to this story?
Yes, there are several. Firstly, if stories like this are to be taken literally, it might be worth acknowledging that Billy Joe and the boys used their sisters and daughters to populate the planet which would make us all products of incest which explains why everyone seems so batshit crazy these days. Also, television can be used not only to control population growth but also to control a population. Always remember to be suspicious of raccoons.